Maybe I Do - Destiel
by larbk
Summary: Taking place in the middle of season 5 - 6, Dean feels completely alone now that Cas has abandoned him - will apologies make it all worse or shed a different light on their relationship?
1. Chapter 1

"You son of a bitch," Dean said to himself, more than Cas, "every night I prayed for you to come and help me - a sign - something!" Dean's eyes started to well up but he blinked the tears away.

" I wanted to come to you Dean, I really did... I just wish that the circumstances were different," Cas said, his face molded into a pained expression "I just wanted you to be safe Dean."

"I was safe Cas, and not because you were looking out for me, because its what I do - what me and Sammy do. I don't need you looking out for me, I can do it myself, always have done." Dean said, he wanted his words to hurt, he wanted to be bitter.

"Okay, Dean, I'll go if you want," Cas said taking a step closer towards Dean's angry exterior, " but you don't know how hard it was for me to ignore your prayers, Dean. I had to stop myself being too close to you, I had to stop myself from... touching you. " Cas continued, looking down - ashamed?  
Dean reacted and took a step closer, seemingly unconsciously.

"I was right here the whole time, Cas, you saw that. Dammit Cas - We could've been a team like we were once, we could've taken down the arch-angels together, the three of us like it was. Cas you hurt me and I don't know if I could ever forgive you for what you did - Sammy may be able to, but I can't, you've broken my trust, Cas I-I can't do this anymore...", He looked away.

"Dean - I..." Castiel moved closer and suddenly embraced Dean - something that he had never done before. Dean's heart fluttered and he moved his hands from his sides and twined them around Cas. This felt real, this felt right to Dean, he blinked away tears again.

"I'm so sorry Dean," Cas whispered in Dean's ear while he still enfolded Dean, Cas could smell everything that he had missed about Dean, the leather of his Impala clinging to his skin, the cheap motel shampoo and a faint smell of musk.

Castiel swallowed hard.

"Dean, I can't explain this but - you make me feel from my body, like here," he let go of Dean and took a step back and touched his chest, " and here," he touched his throat, lips and knees, he seemed like he was about to go beyond his bellybutton but thought other of it, turning away, embarassed.  
Dean looked at him, a look so sincere and Castiel caught his eye and held it there for a second.

Neither of them knew what to do at that moment, they became aware suddenly of their surroundings, of the old motel room dotted with cheap paintings and plastered with worn-out wallpaper. The two single beds that were at the end of the room lay, inviting.

Breaking the silence, Castiel asked; "Where's Sam?"

Still on his own train of thought, Dean said, "Hm? Oh, yeah, Sam-" he clapped his hands together and walked over to the bed and sat down, turning to face Cas, " Sam is, uh, he's gone to interview some people about the case we're looking into and I'm meant to be researching on this thing," Dean held up the laptop that was laying on the opposite bed.

Castiel walked over and sat down on the bed alongside Dean's and stared at him, analyzing him.  
Dean, frowning at the laptop, caught Cas staring at him out of the corner of his eye, "Stop staring at me, Cas."

"I'm sorry, I just..." Castiel trailed off, " I just want you to know that I feel horrible about this, Dean. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you Dean."

"Cas, just - don't right now."

"Dean -" Castiel shifted from one bed to the other and sat next to Dean, "I want you to know that I will always answer your prayers Dean, I'll do anything you want me to to make you forgive me." Castiel reached out a hand and rested it on Dean's.

Dean immediately reacted to this by taking his eyes off from the computer to shoot a stunned look at Cas. Dean looked right into his eyes and Castiel looked right into Dean's, Castiel's hand still lay on Dean's despite the astonished atmosphere.


	2. Chapter 2

"Cas... What are you doing?" Dean said after a while of silence, he looked down at their hands touching. For the first time.

"I don't know, this is what people on the TV do when they want to say sorry or if they like eachother... Am I not doing it right?" Cas said, a puzzled look on his face in response to Dean's stunned one.

"N-no, I, uh - it's fine Cas..." Dean said and added a little light to the situation, "... Warm," Dean let out a nervous chuckle.

"Oh, well, I'm glad," Castiel said with a smile and retracted his hand.

The warmth instantly left Dean's hand when Castiel took his back, and Dean felt a little heavy hearted. Dean snapped shut the laptop and threw it to one side and went over to the lonely chair in the corner where his jacket lay and picked a flask out of it. He took a sip and swallowed hard, "So, Cas... You been watching alot of TV while not helping me?"

"Dean, I sai-" Castiel started.

"Joking Cas," Dean said with a chuckle, "Want some?", he held up the battered old flask of whiskey.

"Um... is it alcohol Dean?" Cas said, unsure.

"No, it's hunters-helper." Dean said with a wink.

"Yes, okay then." Castiel took the flask and swallowed a mouthful of the 'hunters-helper', Castiel pulled a twisted face but returned to normal as the whiskey fell into his stomach.

"Good, isn't it?" Dean said with a smile on his face and he took another sip and put it back in his jacket.  
Castiel nodded, unsurely, but with a smile.

"We use that to get girls drunk," Dean said, "And hopefully into our bed."

"Drunk girls?" Castiel said, "Wouldn't that be taking advantage Dean?"

"No, no I wouldn't use that word Cas. I would use more... actually yeah - advantage." Dean said, "But in a nice way."

"Is there a nice way to tak advantage Dean?" Castiel said.

"Of course there is, Cas." Dean took a few steps towards Castiel, "You have to use the moves also, you know."

"The moves?" Castiel said, his eyes squinting a little.

"Yeah, like - you pretend to be a girl at the bar," Dean said, putting Castiel in place and steering him by his shoulders, "Look like you don't know me - no not like that Cas." Cas held a puzzled expression and he squinted his eyes like he had no idea what was going on.

"But Dean, I'm a man not a girl." Cas said, confused.

"Yeah, Cas I know that just pretend." Dean said, Castiel stood where Dean had placed him and was looking around the room, apparently pretending 'to not know Dean'. "Okay, good enough Cas." Dean said.

Dean walked across the room and turned 180 degrees and started strutting back to Castiel. Castiel has his back to Dean, so when Dean reached him, he tapped his shoulder and Castiel turned around to face Dean.

"Hey baby, mind if I buy you a drink?" Dean said, seduction streaming into his voice.

"Um, there are no drinks to be bought here Dean.." Castiel said, obviously not getting into the role play.

Dean overlooked it and continued to act out his 'moves'. "So, if you don't mind me asking, where are you from?" Dean said.

"Dean, you know where I'm from. I came from heaven, I thought you knew." Castiel said, even more puzzled than before.

"Yeah Cas I know. Pretend to be a girl." Dean said, but carried on, "Heaven? Oh I've been through those parts once or twice... Me? Oh, I'm from Kansas, but I'm here on business..."

"Dean, what sort of business?" Castiel said, but when Dean thought that Cas just about got the whole plot of the roleplay he added, "Is it arch-angels again?"

"Cas, just be quiet for a second." Dean said, and continued in his fantasy of picking up a girl, "Oh yeah, I work for the FBI, we're out here investigating that girl who threw herself on the train tracks."

"There was a girl who threw herself on the train tracks? Demon possession Dean?" Castiel said.

"Yeah, by the way, I think that your eyes are a lovely shade of blue," Dean carried on speaking to the imaginary girl that Castiel was meant to be playing, "... and those lips - wow, I'm sorry I just can't stop staring at them..."

Castiel felt a pang of embarrassment, like Dean was actually complimenting him on his eyes and lips.

"Can I just...?" Dean touched Castiel's face and his lips and closed his eyes and turned his face upward.

Without a second thought, Castiel's lips met Dean's, almost instinctively as if he'd been waiting for this for a long time. Castiel's heart pumped and he could hear blood rushing in his ears, his hands found their was up to Dean's face and they held it there.

Dean's eyes immediately opened, shocked.


	3. Chapter 3

Castiel pulled away from the kiss, breathless and Dean just stood there, rigid. Dean's eyes were wide, looking Castiel up and down with his arms at his sides.

"Cas... I-" Dean started, but Cas cut him off,

"Don't. Dean I can't keep these feelings to myself anymore. I love you, and not in a way two friends love each other, but in a way that I want to kiss you again and hold your hand and talk for hours and hours about us. I love you Dean and since I pulled out of hell, I knew it. It was just this feeling that came and you don't have to feel the same way because you like the opposite gender but if there was some way I could make you and I a reality then I would...", Cas said, lifting his hands to Dean's shoulders.

"Cas, I ... I ... feel it too.", Dean said, wrapping his hands around Castiel's waist and pulling him forward into another embrace, Deans hands finding their way up to Castiel's hair and the back of his neck, Catiels hands falling down to Dean's lower back.

Castiel pulled away again, "Dean, I'm so glad you feel the same and I feel like you've made my existence, you've given my life as a human, and as an angel meaning."

Dean pulled Castiel into a tight hug before replying, and he whispered, " I'm so glad that you're here and that we're here because I was so lost without you Cas, I really was, more than I let off to Sammy."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Dean took Castiel's hand and led him to the bathroom, locking the door behind them.


End file.
